Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Media Made Me a Tiger Scandal Junkie!

Well it's happened. Last week I was in my defiant "who cares?" mode over the revelations of the Tiger Woods scandal. He was just another married celebrity caught with his pants down, only his wife bashed him with his own golf clubs. Then the stories, and the mistresses, and the news of the prenup, and the financial settlement, all came spilling out. I was speechless at the sheer insanity of it all. And so holier than thou about the great unwashed masses out there clamoring for more dirt. Then this story about Elin Woods calling in her mother and mother-in-law, who just happened to be at the house the night she beat the shit out of the lying, cheating two-timer, appeared in today's Daily Beast (oh, please--let me give you the connection: I confess that this story has now taken over my life. I've never witnessed such a compelling train wreck (well...maybe the OJ story, or wait...John Edwards fathering that kid was pretty juicy and poor Elizabeth fighting cancer...does it get any sleazier? Governor McGreevey was pretty appalling and vaguely squirm-inducing over its gay revelations. And I'm still yelling at everyone to grow up about Bill. In the great tradition of husbands getting caught, he only LIED about that blow job, thus setting into motion one of the all-time wasteful legal wranglings which cost all of us a lot of tax-payer money). But I digress.

The point is now I can't get enough of this story. Forget Afghanistan, the national health care bill, the sluggish economy, ten percent national unemployment. The media has forced me to care about this story. Will Nike take away Tiger's endorsement deals? Is this genuine contrition or slick damage control? Just how expensive were those ruined golf clubs? And please, send me a few more mistresses. I'm dying here. I need more. Someone call Oprah. She can stage the "I'm Sorry, Honey" ceremony live in Chicago (though facing your mother is probably easier than the stony disapproval of the Godlike talk show host--just ask James Frey).

And to think that I thought golf was boring. I can't wait for Tiger's next tournament. I want to see the close-ups of his repaired face. Plastic surgery? Now I'm part of the national blather on Tiger. Thanks you media bastards.

Took a break from my Tiger Woods obsession to attend a swell Christmas party at the Quad's last night to kick off the Christmas season. Good food, good cocktails and a beautifully decorated house for the holidays. The joint was packed, but I spent a lot of time with my good buddy Trish as we swapped stories and got caught up. Her husband David, has built her a greenhouse in their back yard. Now there is a happy marriage. How many husbands would build their wife a greenhouse? Trish has a green thumb and I'm predicting great things from her garden this season. Rod, one of the party's hosts, had cooked up a storm. There was sliced pork fillet on sliced French bread with a fresh mango sauce, spears of endive with smoked chicken salad, sliced salami, assorted cheeses, a cactus salad with jalapeno peppers (really good), wrapped shrimp, and lots of other goodies, which you could wash down with wine or a Cosmopolitan. Trish brought killer cookies which were delicious and no-bake. Now let me tell you what they were made of: melted bittersweet chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, salted peanuts and crispy chow mein noodles. I forced myself to stop at two.

Meanwhile we got our first frost last night. I had to yank in a small Rosemary topiary tree that had been outside. I was worried it might not last through the winter season. It was below freezing when I woke up this morning and is now up in the 40s and sunny. Speaking of sunny, where the heck is the rain? We've had twelve straight days of sunshine--unheard of in this part of the country at this time of the year! It's wonderful.

More Christmas photos.

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